Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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