What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
