So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
