I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
