I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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