East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just invented taco cereal.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
