That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
