Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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