For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
