I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
