no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
