based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
