Where did you get a picture of my penis
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I look better un-naked...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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