I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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