So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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