I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
