I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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