So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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