Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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