I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
