you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
