My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
