My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
