Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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