she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
