the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
