i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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