Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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