I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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