I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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