laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
