$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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