i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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