My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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