Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
