My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
