so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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