It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
