News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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