He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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