If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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