Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
