he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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