Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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