Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
