are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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