he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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