Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
