feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
