Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
