i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
