I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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