I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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