Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh god it's open bar.
Congratulations! We have a period
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
