New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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