So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
