Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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