im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
