Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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